You have been a very good friend and generous to others that you have forgotten you have a girlfriend, you forgot our vows and plans on future together.

You all forgot those and I knew it when you talk forcing me to be single like you wanted too. And I made a decision to break up giving you what you wanted.

Apparently, you have spill out words again, saying you wanted to be single and no commitment at this time because for 5-6 years you are into relationship. Do you recognize what are you saying about, do you recognize who is in front of you when you utter those words? 5-6 years? you have included your great ex-love moments, what am I to you? continuing your relationship with her of what you have started both? Is this a legacy which I have to accept as a girlfriend?

You always think of yourself while me being stupid to still think for both of us.

For your information this relationship means a lot to me and hoping on early months that there will be no break ups, need spaces, walk outs but I can see that now is impossible.

When you wanted to be single, I think it was easy for you to forget what we have started, to forget our love and devotions.

Im’ so unlucky on love. He was into 3-4 years of in a relationship with his great ex-love and 1 year in a relationship with me but sad to say its time for him to say he wants to be single now that we are together. In our time, that’s the time he wanted to be single. Maybe something is wrong with me that I am not lucky and his great ex was.

I though of ‘us’ will be forever but I could see now that this is only a dream that is far beyond reality.

We can’t even have time to talk, only when we are sleepy, on daytime there is no spontaneous talking. Is that a talk for him in me already? He has not even talk to me in formal ways about his plans only to those close friends he has that he shares ultimately his dreams. If you ask me what dream he has really within his heart I can’t say a word.

Day and Night he is busy on his cyber world. Laughing out loud sometimes. (Us? we can’t laugh that much and longer) .While me waiting for him to glance at me or talk to me, while he was asking a favor I grab the oppurtunity that he sees me too.

I have love you and wanted you to be forever but what did you ask me to do? you ask me if you could have flings and act as single. I never imagine the love of my life would do that.

I thought we could only play single to those people around us everyday who has no idea what we are into, but also to the people knows who you really are, to your friends who knows you very well..how can you do that?

You said it will be forever but you wanted to be single and I am giving you that. You said we love each other but we will have no commitment and awhile ago you stated I will find you a lover. You just don’t know how painful it was.

I have gave all my bravery, love, care, time, effort but it was lost just a year for you. Even in our anniversary night before, we had dinner but you have all the attention to the cousins of your great ex-lover and I am there out-of-place in all your chit chats. I thought it was time for both of us coz by tomorrow I will be going home which I have no choice, butyou have not consider that evening as romantic it can be.

What I have done to deserve all this. You said on an early months you wanted me to be your girlfriend and wife but why is it now you wanted me out and consider going with other people. I thought being husband and wife, girlfriend and boyfriend doesnt leave each other behind.

I don’t demand your time to be always in my side. What I feel is we are together but your thoughts is not on us and its not on me. You are busy texting and I wont read that anymore because I feel it is restricted and I can’t go beyond it. I respect that.

I respect your feelings that’s why I will not do anything to make you jealosu or think I am cheating on you. I have learn my lesson previously and I don’t want to loose you just like that. Can you make that for me too?

Now that its over. I am certified single again. But even if we’re together I still feel I am single.

I never ignore the love he has bestowed upon me, but I could feel he has less love in our relationship even though everday I am stating to my mind ‘Yes he loves me dearly’.

Even though sometimes when he sees me his world is broken again.  When with his or our friends he had a huge smile but when a snap or glances at me, his eyebrows meets its center and all my actions and talks are all wrong. That’s why when in a group I would rather keep silent and no more movements so that he will not be dismay.

I just keep silent and be there for him. Waiting for him, waiting for his attention, his time like last year. Waiting for his care, waiting for his hug and kiss.

I have less share about this to my friends who knows our relationship. Its because he always think that when I tell or share problems with others about us its already backstabbing him. Its not backstabbing intentions, all I need is somebody to lean on and to let out the hurts I have.

I do everything to please him. I have serve, care, love and give all for him. But at the end for one thing I cannot do what he pleases me to do I had receive bad compliments. It is like all efforts and care was gone just for 1 simple thing.

I had endow in this relationship I even have no time for my ownself. Even my body is tired, my sickness on left side really aches underneath the skin, my heart aches going up and down, I still go on for my mind and heart tells me too and for him.

Many bad compliments and lesser good ones. A shadow. A tail. An ill-fated.

Important thing is I still care and love him. and we are friends.

If I think about money or debts, I think and save for the future, for emergency and health used.  Because no one can help me but me.

Something keeps me holding on and that is unconditional love.

But is this love stays on forever?

Sometimes emotional scars are not easily taken away.

I Need you because I Love You

If he says that it’s me already that he loves then why I still feel their is love betwwen him and his ex-girlfriend.

I know the ex wanted really to be with him, in all his and her plans, as if she would like to pursue their plans together just like before. Why I still have this feeling? because indeed I could feel it.

Because it was like before when he say something to her that would bring him back to her, of course it is an opportunity for her. And why she would still want my boyfriend now to make decision if she would accept a new love? how stupid. Why she needs my boyfriend’s opinion? or rather she just want to make final decision like maybe she is still hoping he would comeback to her or she wants to know if my boyfriend still love her. And if not she would be on the other man. I am bad but I have to say that this girl hasn’t had any 1 word, for I have read on her letter stating that he would not love any other man except him and she won’t find any partner in life anymore.

I will just have to be prepare of what comes next. Indeed the girl is really unpredictable she fights unknowingly.

I know when I have him, I am on the right track, they still have no closure and he reassured me he doesn’t love her anymore. But what happened now is that I feel inferior and as if I’m on their center and enters my mind that I am the reason why they break up.

Reason why they break up? I have nothing against them especially on her in the first place. He just happened to say to me that they are over and he keeps on saying how he feels about me until I’ve fallen. I never intended to get him over her.  I don’t deserve to feel like this, I just deserve to be happy.

It is our 9th monthsary but the sad thing is I we both forgot.

We treated our monthsary just normal days maybe because it is really normal. Unlike his previous relationship so special. Monthsary nga pero timing na mgparamdam xa at ma hurt nmn ako.

For off the topic. I should have been ashamed to myself, no one should be ashame except me and not others involving specially the ex-girlfriend. (I don’t know what would be the right term for his girl). Mabuti nlng at hindi ko na send yung text messages ko for her of what does she wants kasi ako pala ang lugi sa laban.

I know no one would believe me if I say I really felt sorry for what happened to her and it was not my rejoicing moment as other say about.

I still can’t understand why I still keep crying every time I remember and up to now his friends doesn’t like me to be the girlfriend. I still shed tears likely to know I have not impress his friends, and I will never impress them I guess for the thing is I really don’t know them. But it really hurts for in their eyes ako ang mangaagaw. Is that what I did?

I don’t know if he was happy last time when he chooses me. Chooses? I didn’t know he has to choose between us. That’s why in my mind, I am the one who ruins their relationship, I mean kawawa nmn ang girl sa ginawa ko. I was being to selffish, when I think only for my happiness. To what happened to her I just gave her another set of problem. Am I that bad already?

Maybe thats why the girl has still guts and accepts what had happened to her for it was her fate. And I know now if time be brought back she won’t let it happened and they will still be together without me knowing that I existed. I know I will be left behind if the situation is just and just.

I never know what was happening, there where hurting, tears, hopes, martyrdom while me being so selfish.  Thats why a friend of his commented na iba yung pagkakilala nya sakin and for what happened to the girl he also commented I have gain more confidence to get his friend. But he was really wrong, I never felt that way as what he was thinking, to him I am that bad and insensitive but did he try to get my side? did he try to talk to me and listen to me one on one? On the last time of what wrongful I did to his friends did he confronted me? Instead I never heard from him again and he just keeps on dictating as to what comforting his friend more to make me a bad person. He also accuses me that I am trying to break the friendship of their barkada. I don’t know up to now if he is fully accepting me as me and as girlfriend.

All this moments are really ideal. I don’t know if he also consider this as “pinagdaan” or a trial to us both.